Image credit: William Blake, God Judging Adam
Rejection? There is an art?
Yes, there blimming well is. And if you don’t know about it yet chances are, that you- my friend, could be an assh*le. We may be tough but like everyone else, being rejected hurts, so why not do it kindly? There is an art to rejecting. Letting dating and text conversations fade to nothing. Is not acceptable. Learn the rules or get out the fast lane.
Dating behaviors that are unacceptable
- Repeatedly ignoring texts, a.k.a replying with silence
- Avoiding phone calls
- Making excuses
- Getting your ‘tjommies’ to do it
- Frequently saying you will call/SMS, not doing it till the person fades away
This is called being an assh*le. If you don’t know how to be kind or how to let someone know directly and consciously that you don’t want to date them. Don’t do dating. Nobody needs the silent treatment. No one needs to wonder day after day, where, why, how? maybe? NO!
It takes 2 minutes of your precious time. Value someone else’s feelings enough to take those 2 minutes and say, “Sorry I am not interested enough. I hope you find happiness” Does that sound cheesy? Maybe, but at least it is kind and considerate. Life is precious.
The digital age is seeing the loss of common decencies that may seem outdated now, but back then they saved us from prolonged agony.
New age dating is hard because besides all the social media avenues that greet you with silence when you are waiting for that SMS! Things are so fast paced that you expect that SMS now. ‘Why didn’t she WhatsApp me when I can see she has been online’? A frequent question I hear. We want things now. But relationships are tricky, slippery waterbloometjies. They don’t happen now. The ones that are worth their weight take time. They grow slowly. So how do you know if you should wait it out or Next it?!
Wait it Out
- If it is a friend or someone you know well and truly like
- There are tangible signs that the interest is shared on both sides
- They are shy, or you are shy
- They are scared- realising from an apocalyptic break-up
- Kids, they have them
- A crazy full on career
- Had a fight and one of you asked for time
- No cell phone reception or battery died again (possible but Pa-lease!)
There is no time to list them all here, but here are a few valid reasons why someone may be slow or silent, there are many more reasons I am sure. You get the general point, be reasonable. But keep in if keeps happening- if someone wants to be with you, they will make the effort, as will you!
- Assh*le behavior, as defined above
- Poor track record (you’ve heard the same complaints from others)
- Shady behavior, vague, indirect, full of excuses
- Have a guilty look about them, for the 5th time as they begin explaining
- Often says “I will text you later” followed by wishy washy reasons why they couldn’t
These are the bare basics. Dating is not rocket science. It may be scary enough to have some of us running half marathons toward escapism. But if you really like a person, you get over it, and you make plans! Life is too short to waste your time on someone who doesn’t care to make the effort.
If you are the one who needs to do the rejecting. Do it now.
Don’t let them waste another precious second on you who is not interested. Let them spend their life on someone who chooses them and likes them. Why not?
Basic rules? Do it Now and Do it Kindly!
- Don’t put it off
- Do it right now
- Dating over 2 months? Break-up in person, meet them today
- Don’t do it in public, crying with people watching is horrible
- Scared of them? Do it over the phone
- Not serious? Dating for a day, week or month, send a text, email
- Short and Sweet!
- Keep it short! What you say will be remembered, don’t add to someone else’s painful memories
- Keep painful blame games out
- Keep it clean, be direct, be real
- Most importantly be kind. The world doesn’t need any more pain than there already is. Take a look around we are a cruel race, people are bleeding their hearts out all over the place. So be responsible. Go Gently, Be Kind
Laura Selena Bradfield ©